Asrafel is not a Dork - He's a level 47 Paladin

No, I haven't got a clue what he's on about either, but this was his entry on MySpace. I remember Paladins from Dungeons and Dragons many years ago so maybe that's what he's on about.

Asrafel is also, apparently, a place in Morocco, Longitude: 3° 57' 36" WestLatitude: 34° 51' 0" North. It doesn't seem to have any claims to fame. The font itself is described as "a strong, stylish titling font based on hand lettering influenced by Celtic uncial styles and Art Nouveau titling fonts"

Morocco itself is in the news about the McCann (Maddy) story. This time the McCanns are sending private investigators to Morocco following various sightings. Apparently Lord Lucan and Elvis have been seen with a small English girl. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article2558233.ece

Catalogue Shopping - Argos anyone?

Such a prosaic shop for such a lovely place. The typeface itself is also quite attractive, with its little swirls and such, which I'm sure have proper typefacey sort-of names. Swirly-serif or something.

So what is there that's vaguely recent that has anything to do with this font? I don't know. I was hoping that Argos would have done something embarrassing that I could have talked about, but they haven't. Apparently it's been a shit year for DIY retailers, due to the crap weather (no surprises there, then) but Argos has bucked the trend, even though they own - or are part of - Homebase. According to the FT, they're doing rather well given their recent financial reports. I could tell you more but then I'd have to pay. Sod that. I'm sure it's not that interesting. Oh, alright, the Telegraph reports the same story but doesn't charge: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/main.jhtml?xml=/money/2007/09/12/bcnhome112.xml

It's probably because they don't hire proofreaders and don't spot things like "popylar" in their text. It's an ill wind, though, isn't it? Picnic stuff doesn't sell but XBox sales go sky-high!

I've also just noticed that the Argos typeface and the Telegraph one have a lot in common. Okay, the Telegraph one is somewhat more Teutonic, but the general swirls and such like are similar. It's like the parent font had two children, one gay and one Nazi...

In my sad attempt to find any links that might be considered relevant, or appropriate, I found out that Argos was Oddyseus's favourite dog who waited for his master's return for over 20 years... Awww. Strangely enough, in an old Argos catalogue, there's a photo of how the dog might have looked when his owner returned:

It takes a few seconds before you spot where the photo editor should perhaps have been a little more - ahem - judicious in his use of the photo-editing tools. Or maybe he was well aware of what he was doing. After all, the object in question has been masked beautifully...

Handy Andy

Well, it's actually called "Andy Hand" which sounds even more dodgy. Both sound like some contrived name in a 70's porno film. I don't really want to know what his/her other hand was doing when he/she wrote this. I think it's the old "please excuse the shaky handwriting" syndrome.

So, what "Handy Andies" have we had? Well, I guess this Andy probably used quite a few Handie Andies, judging by this story: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23412746-details/Married+teacher+%27enjoyed+sex+act+with+schoolgirl+as+he+drove+school+minibus%27/article.do. One wonders how he managed to drive at the same time.

On another blog I found out that the Americans think that we Brits refer to our mobile phones as Handies. Where did that come from? I've never heard of that in my life!

And in a nice segue which involves the US and Andy, here's one Andy who, I'm sure, really regrets taking advantage of the freedom of speech granted to him: http://www.ifilm.com/video/2895889/subchannel/viralvideo. It's nice to know that the States have everything under control, as can be seen from this image: http://www.private-eye.co.uk/covers.php?showme=1193&

Just don't mention Vietnam...

American Typo - Psycho - Whatever

This is actually one of my favourite fonts, even if it is a little bit of a cliche these days. Whether it's Philip Marlowe or Jack Bauer, this font turns up all over the place... It is a font which takes one back to earlier times. I'm just glad I don't have to cover a runic font... This version of the typeface doesn't have the ragged ink-ribbon look that makes something more interesting but then I can't have everything.

Before I go into topical stuff, something that has been in my mind for so long is - how disfigured does a typeface have to be before it is unrecognisable? There are thousands of typefaces and all represent our standard a-z (I'm ignoring non-Roman fonts here, but I'm sure it's applicable there too) and yet most of them can be read. Even the ones that are deliberately obfuscated on some web sites to ensure that webbots can't generate lots of postings on one site. How do we do it? How can our brain be so clever. And I'm sure even Bush can read most of these fonts.

I was going to get into a rant about Bush's stupidisms but that's hardly topical. Well, not today, anyway. But seeing as the font is called American... I still think it should be about the US. Sort-of. Alan Greenspan - a bit of a Mr Big in the finance market in the states had this to say about the state of US finances a little while ago: http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=10000103&sid=aYaUhNuevkSU&refer= and now he's telling us that we're more likely to suffer than the US market because of the way our mortgages are structured: http://infowars.net/articles/september2007/170907Greenspan.htm. How much money do you want to bet that he's not lost out on any of this - even if he wasn't paid for the interviews (which I would guess is unlikely). But let's not be bitter - especially if you've just managed to get one of the latest Woolwich Building Society 10yr fixed rate mortgages at 5.59% (http://www.personal.barclays.co.uk/BRC1/jsp/brccontrol?site=pfs&task=articleFWwealth&value=9631&target=_self) What do they know that we don't?

Then we have Al Gore - The guy who almost... well, who failed, really, didn't he? Just because he didn't know how to hack all those automated polling booths. But, bless him, he sort-of got an Oscar and now he's got an Emmy for child-oriented TV. I'm sure Bush, Bush Snr and Reagan were major voters: http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/T/TN_TV_EMMYS_GORE_TNOL-?SITE=TNJAC&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT.

Oh I could go on and on about the US, generally not in a positive way, so it's probably better that I shut up now...

Amerigo - Is he responsible for the US?

This is one of those difficult questions: Who found America? And what was it doing hiding in the first place? I read today that before the Spanish 'found' America, the US had no horses or cattle. It was in a book so it must be true. But can that really be true? What the fuck was wondering around the huge states of the US up until then? Maybe the book was just being nit-picking and chose to ignore animals like buffalo, I don't know.

But, of course, Amerigo was Italian. So how come the Spanish got there first but failed to be recognised as the original discoverers? My theory involves bribes, something the Italians are famed for. Alledgedly...

What makes it "Alternate"?

And why is it the second version?
Anyway, I can't think of anything to say about the font except that... well, no, I can't think of anything to say about it.

So - what's been happening in the wonderful world that is gothic? Or, more importantly, Goth. Well, if you're going to be around Whitby next month then you must be sure to book tickets for the Whitby Gothic Weekend (http://wgw.topmum.co.uk/about/history/). I find it strangely disturbing that the site's URL is "topmum"... Maybe Goths do make the best mums...

And, of course, if you're into goth, things like dead people and vampires are the bag you're into, so to speak, and Whitby, once again, does well on that score, seeing as it's where the man himself washes up. Whitby recognises this and you can, if you decide to visit the town, be shown around all the imaginary places that Dracula never visited: http://www.whitby-uk.com/cgi-bin/site.nav/whitby.pl?page=dracula

While Googling about goths, and trying to find something with the "Alternative" angle, I found this site: http://www.thegothicalternative.com/. It promises so much and yet... There's fuck all there. Perhaps it's one of those sites that was never meant to be...

The other thing I can never decide is whether I'm Goth or punk or whatever. Actually, no, that's utter bullshit. I'm way too old to have angst like that and to be quite honest, I really can't be arsed with labels. But - if you really want to know what your leanings are, try here: http://www.verbalchilli.com/features/gtatest.asp

As always, I can't guarantee that the sites I point to don't have nasty little spybots or whatever...

A safe lower-middle class car...

Can I find anything topical to mention that is to do with the font Allegro? I'm not sure what to make of the typeface itself; it seems to be neither one thing nor other. And what is the BT bit about? I'm sure there's a reason for it; a number of fonts have BT after them. [Edit]I've just found out that the BT stands for Bit Stream (so why isn't it BS? - Oh, I have a vague idea why not)

But - To Allegro. A car that has, in the past, been recognised as a symbol of a political stereotype or something. Like As, Bs, C1s C2s Ds and Es. Demographics are wonderful, aren't they? Like this story: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23411981-details/Forget+social+standing%2C+it%27s+postcodes+that+tell+big+business+who+we+are/article.do. I'm not convinced, but isn't it another wonderful example of PR pretending to be a news story? However, these stereotypes do get absorbed into everyday life. So, in the same way as we had "Loadsamoney!!!" in the 80s, White Van Man has taken up the mantle now. So much so that real studies have taken place: http://www.sirc.org/publik/white_van_man.html. I wonder who sponsored that research?

And what's your alibi?

It is very hard to know why this font is called "Alibi". I would have expected a font with a name like this to seem secretive or almost unreadable but... well make your own mind up.

I've been to the Alibi bar near Holborn (http://www.alibi-bar.co.uk/) some time ago and was rather surprised to see it was still going when I passed it the other day. It's an okay sort-of place with lots of glass and stools and stuff.

And here's another PR puff pretending to be a news report (don't get me started on fake news stories...). A French company offering alibis to its paying customers so that they can go off and shag without being caught out (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/09/11/wlover111.xml). According to the news story in the Telegraph they've already helped a whole 50 people! Wow! Hold the front page! And fuck me if there isn't another story in the Torygraph about the same company the very next day! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/09/12/wcheat112.xml - I'm sure nobody at the Telegraph has any financial interest in this company...

Of course, you don't have to pay some expensive French company to help you out when you're shagging someone you shouldn't - just buy one of these! http://www.prankplace.com/p_excuses.htm. Alternatively, just turn your phone off. Derrr...

Are there any Algerians here?

Quite why this font has this name is beyond me. I'm sure that there is a perfectly valid explanation as this font, unlike some of the others, seems almost to be one of those standard fonts you get.

It seems like suicide bombing is going to be a fact of life. Like toting a gun around Tottenham or parts of South London, it seems you don't get respec' unless you do such a thing. But Nabil was from Algeria and he was only 16: http://www.echoroukonline.com/english/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=7530. Apart from anything else, legally he can't even fuck all those virgins that are supposedly waiting for him in the imaginary Muslim heaven that most Muslims think is crazy. Well, he couldn't legally fuck them if he was in Britain. But thank God/Allah/Whatever his/her/its name is, he wasn't. I bet Al Qaeda are dead proud of him.

Having done some research now (okay - a little Googling) I realise how awful the state of Algeria is. It's strange that it's rarely mentioned in the news. I suppose the press is too busy with Iraq, Afghanistan and Maddie. But Algeria really is in a state, and they seem to be being so nice about it! https://www.osac.gov/Reports/report.cfm?contentID=69929

Who is Alfred Drake?

Alfred Drake was a major musical star in the 40's on Broadway. A mini Biography is here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0236848/bio. You might also be able to hear him perform here: http://www.rhapsody.com/alfreddrake/morechannels.html Quite why this font is named after him is unclear is it does not have a theatrical feel to it, looking almost Oriental in its style.



But if you want to hear Mr. Drake you could click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cz3QxwAQ4HA and hear him sing the song that was then immortalised in Young Frankenstein by Madeline Kahn. Although by recommending this link to you I might lose a bit of my bandwidth in the future for every person who clicks on the link, rather than the multi-billion dollar company YouTube having to pay. Bless. And thank you Microsoft for pointing this out this week: http://technology.newscientist.com/article/dn12625-web-users-could-slash-cost-of-putting-video-online.html. Bastards...


Another Alfred, Alfred Russel Wallace has been named Fellow of the Month this month at the Royal Society. In true recognition of British greats (i.e. the people who almost did something), Wallace was the guy who almost beat Darwin to grabbing the Natural Selection mantle. Oh well, he sounds like a bright chap anyway: http://www.royalsoc.ac.uk/page.asp?id=7020

Alba - kerky?

Today's font looks very 70s I think. Very curvy.

A bit like a Biba shop sign or something. Very trippy - but nice. Not like BadAcid at all. It's like when you l00k at this font you just want to be nice to everyone. It must be something in the air. Which might explain why I saw three people - yes three - give up their seats on the Tube (the London Underground) to other people. A pregnant woman, an old man with a walking stick, and shortly after, his wife. It's a rare thing these days, sadly. I should point out that the pregnant woman et al were the people who took the seats, not the people who gave them up.

Talking of curvy things, this month is TacheBack month which is all about raising money for male cancer. Some of these taches certainly look curvy: http://london.fridaycities.com/radar/2007/9/11/fridaycities. Nice idea.

And then we have Alba, the model agency whose font is very similar to this one, have made their feelings clear about size zero models: http://www.albamodel.info/latest.php?ID=38 which is especially nice after another London model agency refused to accept Charlotte Carter on their books because they felt she was unhealthily thin (http://news.scotsman.com/uk.cfm?id=1450222007).

And I couldn't find anything particularly eventful about Albuquerque today - except they're holding a 9/11 memorial too.

The Agency would like to see you...

I have no idea what the FB is in this font's name. Perhaps it's short for FBI. The font itself looks rather military, I think. So on the anniversary of the day when the Twin Towers were reduced to rubble, what a fitting day to open the British Weapons Sales Exhibition (http://www.dsei.co.uk/) - a great place to buy a laser guided missile or other very serious firepower. Or why not use Microsoft Flight Simulator and fly your virtual aircraft into the WTC yourself? Oh - that was surgically removed when they released version 2002, wasn't it? But you could recreate in the previous version, like this: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/232384/cockpit_view_of_aa_flight_11_on_9_11/

Of course, you may be one of the many thousands of people who don't believe that the 9/11 attacks were performed by terrorists at all, but instead were done by the US as a way of ensuring that their attacks on Iraq would get popular support. Like these people: http://www.loosechange911.com/company.htm. Watch the videos, read the commentary, make your own decisions.

And so we're on Absalom...

...and like I said in my edit on my first post on this blog, things aren't going to be in alphabetical order after all. Well, not completely, anyway. Maybe normal service will be resumed shortly.


Absalom sounds like it should be a Jewish font, but perhaps that's only because the last bit sounds a little like "Shalom". So while we're on the subject of Jews, it was terrible to hear about the activities of the anti-semitic group who have just been arrested in Israel: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/09/world/middleeast/10cnd-mideast.html?ex=1346990400&en=30774a9dddae5576&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss. Even worse to see some of the videos these thugs had made shown on the BBC news. For those of you who missed it, think Clockwork Orange without the music, somewhat more grainy, and definitely more shocking because it was for real.

But before this post gets too depressing, what impression does this font have on me? It makes me think of expensive chocolates, or some Turkish delight.

Also in the news is the story of Joseph Lewis, the billionaire, who has just bought 7% of Bear Stearns, the investment bank http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/1af87cde-5fa4-11dc-b0fe-0000779fd2ac.html. The link here is the book "Absalom, Absalom" by William Faulkner which is a fictional book although it is based on the life of Thomas Sutpen (http://www.mcsr.olemiss.edu/~egjbp/faulkner/n-aa.html). The story is told of a man born to poverty with aims to become a success, and Joseph Lewis apparently left school aged nine to find a job. That's about the only link because, without putting a spoiler in, the eventual results differ (at least so far, with respect to Mr Lewis).

So - that's it for Absalom.

B = BadAcid

A bit of a bizarre font, this one. Which, I suppose, is fitting. I believe there's no such thing as bad acid, just bad trips. But then, seeing as I've only tried it the once, what do I know?

There haven't been any stories about acid, bad or otherwise, unless you count what the McCanns are going through at the moment. Whichever way you look at it, whether they've been caught red-handed or whether God or whomever/whatever has decided that he/she/it hasn't made their lives miserable enough yet, I think they must be thinking they're on the bad acid trip from Hell.

While not directly an acid story but still about drugs, I noticed that suspected Columbian drug baron Diego Montoya has been arrested. I wonder if he is related to Inigo "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die" Montoya (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/)? Anyway, he apparently was responsible for the production of tonnes of cocaine for the American market. I'm sure it's all a case of supply and demand, however.

And then we've got the exhumation and second post-mortem of Racheal Whitear who died after a heroin overdose and whose picture of her corpse was used in adverts in schools etc to try and discourage pupils from getting into drugs. There's evidence now that perhaps it was her boyfriend at the time who caused her to die and that the syringe in her hand in the photo was planted there. Not nice. I wonder if the drug was sourced by Diago?

And from bad acid we go to bad blood. Dame Anita Roddick died today of a brain haemorrage. It would seem that it was a result of her hepatitis C, a disease she picked up after a blood transfusion during the birth of her second daughter, Sam. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6988343.stm. It's ironic that someone who had campaigned for purity in cosmetics, avoidance of chemicals, and general healthy living died the way she did. It just goes to show something. I'm just not quite sure what that is...

And finally, another blog I came across which presents an interesting discussion about addiction from a rozzer's point of view: http://coppersblog.blogspot.com/2007/08/heated-debate.html

A is also for Averen

I really should have thought it through before I started on this project. Trying to come up with something relevant and topical with each font as I work my way through alphabetically would have its challenges, I knew, but I'd forgotten to think about fonts that don't actually have a meaning except the name of the font. Like Averen. I've seen it pop up as someone's name but not much else. There seems to be a little bit of a goth element to it too, but I'm not sure what.


So - scraping the barrel a little in terms of relevance, as part of my Googling for Averen links I was directed here: http://www.secondlifeherald.com/slh/2007/09/afternoon-delig.html#more. I'm not absolutely certain what the Averen link is here, but it was in the Google list. Honest. The page was published only a few days ago, so I count that as fairly relevant. Please don't look if you're underage or easily offended - at least one of the pictures is quite explicit. And many of the other pictures feature chavs.

I even resorted to "Yahoo Answers" to see if anybody could shed any light but the only response to my question "Does 'Averen' mean anything to you?" was "It means nothing to me - Ah Vienna!" So no hope there either.

Better luck tomorrow, I guess...

A is for Avant Garde

Avant Garde comes from the French meaning "Advanced Guard" and is generally used in the context of art, culture and politics to describe someone or some group who are experimental or novel in their way of thinking. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avant-garde)



So today's topic is Damien Hirst and the diamond/platinum skull sculpture. Many people regard Hirst as being avant garde due to his contributions to the art world including various animals in formaldehyde, swirly pictures that look like they were made using this: http://www.atireland.ie/toylibrary/catalogue/item.php?itemID=14, and other pictures featuring a matrix of different coloured dots which may well have been made by other people under his tutelage - something he actually admits to. His major contribution to music was the highly popular (to number 2) record "Vindaloo" under the name of "Fat Les". You can learn the deep and meaningful lyrics here: http://lyricz.net/F/Fat+Les/119505/

But why have I chosen Hirst as being appropriate today? Because there is apparently some disagreement about how much he sold "For the Love of God" (you know - the platinum skull encrusted with diamonds) for. http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23411513-details/Did+Damien+Hirst+really+sell+diamond+skull+for+%C2%A350m/article.do. Now, this is probably standard Sunday tabloid does-anyone-really-care shit, but I thought it was worth a mention anyway. Because DH is a boy done good. A dad who was a car mechanic and who fucked off fairly soon after DH arrived on the scene, and a mum who worked at C.A.B. (Citizens' Advice Bureau) - a very worthy and completely under-supported charity.

As a bit of trivia - apparently the only bit intact from the original skull is the original skull-owner's teeth. You can see the work in progress here: http://www.supertouchblog.com/2007/07/21/techniquethe-making-of-damien-hirsts-diamond-skull/

No - I am not going to be offering oral sex to typefaces...

This is more of an intellectual exercise than something that will be of interest to anybody else so I expect a readership count of zero or, quite possibly, less, if points were deducted when people accidently found your site and then quickly hit the back button.

So - I was trying to think of some way of getting my creative juices going again and I thought this might be a way of doing it. Here's the idea. I have one hell of a lot of fonts on my PC (yes, PC, not Mac) and decided that I would try and write a blog entry which was applicable to events of the day (or thereabouts) which somehow linked in with whichever font I had reached. The idea is that I work through them in alphabetical order [EDIT: For some reason CorelDraw seems to disply fonts in different order depending on where you're looking, so these won't necessarily be in alphabetical order after all]. For example, I have to start with "Avant Garde", followed by Averen, and then Bad Acid and so on...

Therefore tomorrow's blog will have to be something to do with Avant Garde.